Happiness

You Are 68% Happy

You are a very happy person. Generally, you feel content and that all is right with the world. Occasionally, you have a down day - but you have the ability to pick yourself right back up.

How Happy Are You?

In the last week I've seen several articles about a gallup poll that claims that married people are 10% happier or more satisfied with their lives than single people. Depending on where I read it, the cause and the effect get mixed around. Anyway, I can see why married people might be more satisfied overall. A long while ago I read things about how everyone has a happiness 'set point' and you have to really work in order to change how content you are overall with life.

In my foray into online dating, one of the common questions is "Are you content with your life now? What would you change?" Well, duh. I'm not content - that's why I'm doing online dating. I can't imagine any truly content person would put themselves through that. It's like rejection by computer.

But really, I am pretty content, with the exception of the personal relationship part. I like where I live. I like my job. I have a solid group of friends. I would like to think that a relationship would make me more content, but then I read in the blogosphere about all the people who are struggling to make job and location compromises work. I wonder if I would be more satisfied with my personal life but less so with my job or something and would end up at the same place.

Neighborliness

I have an 8 am morning meeting once a week. Not so bad, except that ideally I leave the house an hour before then so I'm truly in and settled in and ready to go before things start. So to be ready, I shoveled the walk the night before. Not hard work shoveling. Just shoveling a light powder. 5 inches of it. Make life easier and speed things up for the next morning.

So I went to bed and got up, got dressed, and 30 minutes before my meeting I'm locking up and heading out the door. And it looked like I hadn't done a darn thing. 5 more inches of snow. Not that it snowed 10 inches, but wind and drifting and all that. So I turned the car on and got out the shovel and in my dress pants and heels I'm out there shoveling a shovel width path in my sidewalk. I'll finish it when I get home.

And when I got home - Someone had shoveled my entire walk! Fantastic. I have no idea who. Perhaps the same person who shoveled for me when it snowed 18inches over Christmas break. I wish I knew who to thank. I guess maybe I like my neighbors.

Class Meme

1. Father went to college
2. Father finished college
3. Mother went to college
4. Mother finished college (with an MA, when I was in 10th grade)
5. Have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor. (My granddad was a professor. Before that he was an accountant. He went back to school at age 40 to get his PhD. More telling is my dad's family. His dad was a Vet Both my grandmothers had Masters degrees and my mom's mom was ABD in home economics...)
6. Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers.
7. Had more than 50 books in your childhood home
8. Had more than 500 books in your childhood home. (No, but we spent a lot of time at the library, so I certainly read more than 500 books).
9. Were read children's books by a parent
10. Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18 (I had tumbling lessons and gymnastics because it was cheaper than physical therapy following a head injury as a toddler).
11. Had more than two kinds of lessons before you turned 18
12. The people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed positively
13. Had a credit card with your name on it before you turned 18 (Only because of the going away to college at 16 thing)

14. Your parents (or a trust) paid for the majority of your college costs (Can you say scholarships?)
15. Your parents (or a trust) paid for all of your college costs
16. Went to a private high school (Sort of - a collapse of college and high school into two years)
17. Went to summer camp
18. Had a private tutor before you turned 18
19. Family vacations involved staying at hotels (Yes but only while my dad WORKED for the hotels…)
20. Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18
21. Your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them (By the time I was 16,my parents could have afforded it, but believed we should earn our own cars so we learned to value them).
22. There was original art in your house when you were a child (There was no art in my house that I recall aside from my mother's quilts)
23. You and your family lived in a single-family house
24. Your parent(s) owned their own house or apartment before you left home (yes if this means had a mortgage).
25. You had your own room as a child
27. Participated in a SAT/ACT prep course
28. Had your own TV in your room in high school
29. Owned a mutual fund or IRA in high school or college
30. Flew anywhere on a commercial airline before you turned 16
31. Went on a cruise with your family
32. Went on more than one cruise with your family
33. Your parents took you to museums and art galleries as you grew up Science/history museums only. Not art.
34. You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family

18/34

It's interesting because I am very aware that my family is upper middle class now. But I think in large part because my mom stayed home with us and my dad worked food service jobs (which pay shit) we were lower middle class most of my early growing up - like until I was 10-12 or so. I know I wore hand me downs no matter what. We didn't have more than 1 TV and we got a hand me down computer when I was in 7th grade. A big deal gift in middle school was a radio for christmas that had a built in tape deck. I think it was the first radio we owned not-in-a-car. We had two cars because my dad commuted, but the second one was always a real clunker. My parents didn't argue about money in front of us (my parents didn't argue in front of us period) but we ate a lot of food that was stretching the budget food - Pancakes for dinner. Canned things from the garden. Broccoli and rice casserole where you had the rice and the broccoli earlier in the week. We went to girl scout camp in the summer in large part because it was cheap child care. Vacations were camping. Staying in a hotel happened when my dad started working for a hotel chain, but even then it was in the off season.

I'm not sure what happened but around 6th-8th grade, my family's situation changed significantly as far as money goes. My mom went back to school. We bought a (rather nice) house. Summer opportunities changed and became more plentiful. New clothes for school were okay. We still economized. But not in the same way. There were many more choices available to us in terms of extra curriculars and we were encouraged to take advantage of them instead of blowing them off.

The interesting thing about this to me is that my dad still views education as a vocational training experience. Even though his parents and my mom's parents were both highly educated. And even though we started from a point of privilege. You don't assume that will be what comes your way. You go to college to get an education so you can get a job. A job is being a manager. Or a teacher. Or a doctor. Or a mechanic. Or a vet. But not really a professor. or writer. or foreign aid worker. You go to museums to learn things. But not to appreciate art. You buy things because they are functional, not because they are pretty (or new or cool or...). It's clear to me that my dad sees value in my sister's job as a physician but not in my job as a professor (aside from the teaching aspects of my job). Don't get me wrong, he's proud of both of us. And he likes being able to say that we have three doctors in the family (my sister's husband is also a physician). But he just doesn't quite get that knowledge creation is a product too.

Reading for Pleasure Wednesdays: Water for Elephants

Well, I read this a while ago. A book a week is a bit more than I can keep up with during the semester. But I think I can review a book a week for a while based on backlog of books read this year.

I read this on the airplane on the way home in August. Our local independent bookstore owner recommended it when I asked him for an "airplane book" to read for the trip. (An airplane book, as far as I'm concerned has nothing to do with aviation and everything to do with being engaging and interruptible).

Anyway, this book is set with a circus in the great depression, but is really a murder mystery. I'm not sure how to talk about a mystery without giving up the plot, but the story is series of modern day encounters in a nursing home linked to reminiscences triggered by the main character's conversations with a nurse. I liked the style of the story - the plot moved things along and the switching perspectives kept me engaged - and I liked that I couldn't solve the mystery in advance. A bonus. Anyway, a light book. Totally enjoyable, but not anything deep.

The definition of an introvert

So a friend and I were talking about the Myers-Briggs Personality scales. I'm skeptical of my own performance on all test things like this because I know to much about test design. Nonetheless I consistently score IN+two other letters (either TJ or FJ or TP - never FP) depending on my mood while taking the test. Does that mean I'm really INTJ? Anyway....I was complaining about how what I want to do and what I've learned to do are different and so I didn't know how to answer the questions... This friend said that he think of the Introvert/Extrovert distinction as a measure of where you get your energy. If you come away from large group events energized and revved up you are an E. If you come away exhausted and get your energy from one on one or individual activities you are an I.

Well, if there was any doubt, I know at the end of a teaching day that I am an Introvert. I am exhausted. It's not the mental exercise involved in prep. It's not that there were problems. It's that I am worn out by the performance aspect of it. I think this makes me a mediocre teacher because I don't really enjoy the part about standing in front of 100 students and talking. It's not stage fright exactly. Well, maybe sort of. I wish I knew how to overcome it though and really get into the acting part. I wish I liked talking at a room full of people.

Anyway, the semester is truly under way. And I'm exhausted on Day 2.

National Blog for Choice Day

As seen at Rev Dr. Mom's. I saw an article in the local paper yesterday reviewing the demographics associated with abortion *and they estimate that 1/3 of all women have had an abortion at some point. 1/3! Wow! The point of the article was actually abortion as a race-based civil rights issue (which seems to have merit) but I couldn't get past 1/3 of all women have had an abortion (and most were over age 25 when it happened). As a personal choice, abortion is so far beyond what I can fathom as a personal choice that it seems crazy to me to think that if I'm sitting in a car full of women, 1 or 2 of the other 5 women has likely had an abortion. If a friend came to me and asked for counsel on this topic, I would mostly encourage her to seek information on adoption. Having walked with friends down a path of serious disability associated with the fetus, I would say that carrying to term can be a blessing despite what one might think.

Nonetheless, I recognize that the reasons why abortion is beyond me have much to do with the sort of environment and economic class and support system available to me. What if I didn't have the job security that I have? What if I didn't have the family support that I have? What if I didn't have health care? What if I was functioning in an abusive environment? What if I was still in school and having a child would limit/eliminate the educational opportunities available to me? What if I didn't think I could raise a child well in the world I was living in? What if I didn't know enough to navigate the options of adoption? What if I was certain that my child would be born with a debilitating disease? What if?

Beyond these speculative reasons, the real reason why I favor choice is that I don't believe that banning abortion will lead to fewer abortions. Mostly I think that banning abortion leads to less safe abortions. Fundamentally, giving birth - or having an abortion - is a life changing decision that should reside with one person. The woman involved. No other decision is likely to have such significant repurcusions on an individual's life. No other individual should have the right to interfere with that decision. I can't imagine anyone taking this lightly and I can't imagine having to do it in fear for my life.

So, I'm anti-abortion, but pro-choice. I'm pro-free-birth-control-pills and condom distribution programs. I'm pro fully informative sex ed classes and pro state funded adoption programs. I'm pro-CHIP and pro-WIC. I'm pro state supported child care and pro job training programs. I pray that I never live in a country where my reproductive choices are made by someone else and I pray that I never am in a position to have to face such a decision.

* this isn't the link to the AP article, but it's an interesting document that matches the stats they showed. I need to investigate this political organization more to determine if it is some whacked out religious thing or a reasonable perspective on the world.

Self-Discipline

So Bonhoffer is not one to pull any punches. The last two chapters my small group read were about self-discipline (Fasting) and Anxiety. It's too much to think about both right now. But the self-discipline one ties in well with my theme for the year (actually anxiety goes with self-acceptance a bit too nicely to be comfortable....). Anyway, self-discipline. The chapter starts by assuming that we fast. Well, I've never really done that. *squirm*.

But if I look over most of the things I resolved to do they are all easy things that just take focus. Self-discipline. Some of the things I actually know go together easily for me. For instance:
clean kitchen = more likely to cook
exercise time = prayer time
And yet I seem to keep procrastinating both of those. I've done better on the clean kitchen (and the cooking) part. But the exercise and prayer pieces still elude me. In truth neither of these things is so bad once I get started. But I hate getting started. Even for the dishes - as long as no more than 1 coffee cup is in the sink I can stay on top of it. But as soon as I let another dish sit there it becomes a BIG DEAL to do the dishes. And so then I don't. And more accumulate. And then I avoid the kitchen to avoid the mess. Anyway....

School officially starts tomorrow. Which means it's really time for me to settle into a routine for the semester. And it would be good if that routine included exercise. It's been cold (like -10F cold) so walking outside hasn't been an option. I need a plan for exercising indoors (exercise video? gym?). If exercising indoors involves leaving my house I also need a plan for my dog to be let out and exercised as well. I know this is only a 2 month problem or so. But that is a long time to let the exercise thing go, especially since it also impacts my spiritual life. Maybe I should add a stop by the sporting goods store to my list for the day and seek a good 30 minute work out video.

Oh, and in the scheme of keeping/not keeping resolutions - I have a volunteer activity I'm satisfied with until March. Then I'll have to find something new. But my photography class sounds like it's going to be canceled due to low enrollment. Boohoo.

Pride/Insecurity III

This is the third post out of a series. The first and second can be found here.
So I'm up for third year review this year. Which means putting together all of my materials so that others can judge whether I am on track or not. I think this is a pass/fail event with a low bar (as opposed to tenure which is a pass/fail event with a high bar). Even so, the fact that this is tied to contract renewal and review of my record outside of my dept. makes me more nervous than usual about these reviews (we're reviewed annually as untenured professors).

Although I'm pretty sanguine about the review process in terms of journal articles and grants*, I really hate being judged and evaluated at this level. Like Bright Star, I think that my insecurities surrounding this process perhaps push me too far into self-focus mode. One piece of a conversation I had with another junior faculty member is a discomfort with the truthfulness of the feedback we get. It's one thing to get positive or negative feedback that then you can use to improve for next year. It's another thing though when you go through this process and seriously question whether people are telling you the truth about the areas you need to work on.

Another asst. professor thinks she's receiving consistently positive feedback. But this doesn't always match what I hear in the department scuttlebutt. So this serves to make me question my own feedback. Did they REALLY tell me where I need to work on? Or are they keeping things from me? It doesn't seem in the department's best interest to spring something on me three year hence, but at the same time, it's awkward to criticize someone you work with on a regular basis.

The review process feels like a decision about whether I am successful as a professor. In truth, I am willing to work so hard for this job and no harder. If they don't like what I'm doing then I'll go find something else to do or at least go do what I'm doing here somewhere else. If I'm not successful here under these circumstances, I'll find a way to be successful elsewhere. Is that reliance on my own self? Is that pride? Is that self-centeredness?

* I feel like I clearly pass the low bar of contract renewal. I'm not as confident about the higher bar of tenure, but I guess that's why I have 2.5 more years to get there.